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| (Cupid and Psyche's Statue. Wikipedia Commons.) |
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| (Hut in the Woods. Pixabay.) |
THE FORBIDDEN LOVE:
For the first story I chose, it is not quite a favorite. It isn't one of them, because of the challenge I didn't meet when writing the story. Maybe this will help fulfill the challenge in the recreation of this beautiful story.
A love story that was promising in the beginning, yet ended in turmoil, one that shouldn't be spoken of.
THE POWER OF FOUR:
There once was a cottage in the woods where a witch, Serena, raised her four children, Alder, Baker, Ginjer and Blake. Two sons and two daughters, a set of twins each. Being a single mother and her children still in training, she told her children a story of a scary creature lurking in the night. She wanted them to be careful and cautious of who to answer the door for, especially when she's gone running errands...
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| (Moonlit ocean. Flickr.) |
Dive deep into a story of an unhappy man who wishes for nothing more than to live a simple and easy life, but gets what he deserves when life teaches him a lesson.
THE FORBIDDEN LOVE:
ReplyDeleteYou set up this nice conflict between two lovers tricked by the stresses of the mind, but the characters don't really reach any kind of resolution to it.
Most of all Leo, who drops off near the end despite being having focus in the beginning. What happened to him after Psyche just abruptly left him?
For the above reason and lack of details in the ending result, such as Venus' relation and how Psyche came to despair over the years, the ending feels a bit rushed. The characters seem to be key in this story's plot, so focus on improving your characters.
The paralleling tragedy in Leo and Psyche's history over Shakespearean tragedy is a nice touch.
Overall: I see potential here for a tragedy of love and the consequences of it. Polishing up your the focus and development of your characters will help make that tragedy all the more powerful. Keep at it!
THE POWER OF FOUR:
Cute "coming of age" story premise with some cute, if somewhat cheesy messages.
Out of the three messages, I only saw two totally prominent. If you can display the fear that the kids are stuck in, I think your message will be delivered in a more satisfying fashion.
When you say they are "still in training," I think you might want to qualify what that means.
"Both twins" implies only two people. Maybe specify the number of children instead?
Specify that Taylor went to a different witch when he wanted to become human; since Heather is a witch, I became confused that he went to her to become human.
Heather says "of course" as if knowing something about Alder that we don't. Is it possible to give something that points to Alder's caring personality?
Overall: I like your premise, it sounds like a good idea for a children's story. A bit of clarification brought out by changes in word choice and expanding character details will make it even better. Keep at it!
The “Forbidden” Love
ReplyDelete- I thought that this was a pretty solid story. I’ve always liked the story between Cupid and Psyche (although I’m not familiar with the original story this one was based off of). This story was very well-written and had great developments in dramatic events. Although I don’t really like dream scenes, this one worked well with the theme of the original story. One thing I was really questionable about was the fact that you called Cupid by “Leo.” I wasn’t super confident at first at who he was at first until I read your author’s note. I think that if you call Psyche by her real name, you should call him by his as well. Otherwise if you wanted to change names and modernize your story, switch all the names.
The Power of Four
- This was an absolutely fantastic story. I love the fantasy/magical element of it, and I loved the development of the storyline. It reminded me of a classic German fairytale (minus a lot of blood and gore), and for some reason I had a Red Riding Hood feel throughout. My favorite part was when all the children found their four different powers, and all came together to save the day. I thought that the way Adler found out he had a healing ability was very creative and surprising as well! I honestly have no major criticisms of this story. I really enjoyed reading this one from beginning to end, so I definitely commend you on that!
Wishful Consequences
- I really like the concept and moral of this story. I love the idea that the grass is not always greener on the other side, and everyone has their own consequences and burdens to face. I actually had a really easy time reading this because I don’t have a problem with prose. I thought that this story was very well-written even though it may be out of your comfort zone without dialogue. I, personally, don’t really think it needed it that much besides the conversations between the man and the shaman. The only thing that I kind of wish you added was the reason why she could no longer help the man. It created an empty hole in your story that can make a reader feel left out of the loop. Aside from this, great job on the rest of the story!