“Ah..the day has come, for me to wed thee,” Psyche says to her future husband, Leo, as they wake up from their warm slumber. She is facing him, lying on his chest.
“Ha ha! You’re such a sucker for old-school love stories,” Leo laughs playfully.
“Well, you know how much I love Shakespeare. That’s how we bonded, remember? Young and innocent children, working in a play for school. Shakespeare’s famous Romeo and Juliet!” She jumps out of bed, twirling and reaching for near and far.
(The famous Romeo and Juliet! Wikipedia Commons.)
“Hmm…yeah…those were the good ol’ days..” He reminisces, watching his fiancee twirling around. As she is about to turn his way and reach for him, he jumps up and grabs her right hand, pulling her in close to him.
Their faces meet inches away…he kisses her forehead. “Now, my love, we shall prepare for the celebration tonight!”
She touches Leo’s chest, nearly pushing him away, “Wait..have you heard from Aro?”
He looks at her with his head cocked to the side in confusion. “You know what? No. I’m sure he’ll be at the reception. Now quick, we don’t have much time!”
He looks at her with his head cocked to the side in confusion. “You know what? No. I’m sure he’ll be at the reception. Now quick, we don’t have much time!”
It is already 8 o’clock, so they get dressed and head out to the church and the venue to prep for the afternoon ceremony and evening reception.
It is now 11 o’clock and Psyche is preparing for the ceremony in one of the dressing rooms in the church. She is accompanied by her mother, Pamela, her two sisters, Prim and Piper, and her grandmother, Penelope. Piper finishes up Psyche's hair and make-up, in slight tears. “My goodness...you make such a beautiful bride...”
(Wedding Preparation, Bride's ring. Flickr.)
“Oh stop! You just did my make-up. Don’t make me cry!” Psyche cries to Piper as she pushes her left shoulder playfully.
Pamela comes up to Psyche, brushing her left cheek lightly. “You really are beautiful…how proud I am of you.” They are all crying tears of joy, fanning their faces trying not to let their make-up run. Pamela then helps her put on her dress and as she is tightening the back seams...
THE DOORS SLAM OPEN…”Where is Psyche?!?” a man with a mask yells. Four other men accompany him with weapons.
“Ahhh!” The women scream in horror. The man that spoke sees Psyche, goes and grabs her right forearm. “Noo!” Her mother screams as she tries to pull her back from him. The other men come by and yank her off of Psyche and stand in front of each woman, preventing them from saving her.
“Let’s go!” the man yells at his comrades. They disappear into the night…
~~~
Psyche cries and screams, “LEOOOOOOOO! LEOOOOOOO!!!” They finally muffle her with a napkin dabbed with a sleeping chemical. She passes out.
~~~
In horror, her mother runs up to Leo, "Psyche's been kidnapped!!! Leo, please find her!!"
Leo runs out of the dressing room and out to the parking lot of the church. He's searching and screaming. “PSYCHEEEE! Where have you gone?!?!” He begins to run, not thinking about driving or anything. He just runs and runs, screaming out her name.
Leo runs out of the dressing room and out to the parking lot of the church. He's searching and screaming. “PSYCHEEEE! Where have you gone?!?!” He begins to run, not thinking about driving or anything. He just runs and runs, screaming out her name.
Wherever Psyche may be, she is still screaming and crying out for Leo as well.
As they do this, one mysterious passer-by, near Leo, is pointing a gun towards him and he shoots him!
***
Psyche jolts up from her bed and looks to her left…it is still Leo; it was just a dream or nightmare. Alive and well, she realizes that the man who kidnapped and ‘killed’ Leo was none other than Aro, their best friend. Without a sound, she bolts out of the house to visit Penelope.
“Grandma! I have something to tell and ask of you!” She runs towards the front door.
“What is it, my dear?” Penelope comes out, with arms wide open. They hug and she leads Psyche to the couch. As Penelope sits, Psyche falls to her knees in tears.
She explains the dream to Penelope, "What should I do now?"
Penelope tells her that it is only a nightmare. “Though the kidnapping occurred, nightmares are usually the opposite in real life. Something worse is usually something better in real life. So don’t fret, my child. It was just a nightmare.”
She explains the dream to Penelope, "What should I do now?"
Penelope tells her that it is only a nightmare. “Though the kidnapping occurred, nightmares are usually the opposite in real life. Something worse is usually something better in real life. So don’t fret, my child. It was just a nightmare.”
***
Two years have passed and Psyche is now with child. She could no longer bear the torment of her nightmare of Leo dying, over and over again. She left him for someone else.
Leaving her past behind, she is now faced with some troublesome issues, to please her mother-in-law, Venus. Psyche has upset Venus quite well and doesn't know what to do. Because of this, she heads to the church and prays with all of her might!
She begins her prayer, “Dear Gods and Goddesses of this world, please hear my prayer in hopes that I can please my mother-in-law. She is beautiful and can be kind, filled with bountiful spirit! I am with child and do not want to upset her further. I don't know what to do. Please help me…I will do anything to earn her praise.” Two angels, Ceres and Juno, appear as she prays her prayer. They hear her prayer and can only tell her, “It is up to Venus to forgive. You must let fate take its course. We can only watch over your child to see it well.” They come to touch her belly and pray for them both.
“You will have troubled times and good times. With this new life it is only but a challenge that you must accept.”
Author's Note: I chose to write about Apuleius's Cupid & Psyche: Her Dream & Psyche's Prayer. 'Her Dream' referenced a woman's dream of her being kidnapped, but rather than just being kidnapped and crying out for her lover, she dreamt of him being stoned to death by a stranger. She tried to tell a lady of the dream because she was afraid of it. The lady then told her of the story of Psyche and gave her advice on what dreams and nightmares mean. In the end, she comforts her in her distress. As for 'Psyche's Prayer,' she is trying to avoid Venus, Cupid's mother; Venus isn't very happy with her, but because Psyche is pregnant and already married to Cupid, she asks Ceres and Juno for help and advice as they are Goddesses that know Venus well. Though she asks them, they cannot help her after all.
The style of writing I chose is my usual narrative and dialogue. I feel that dialogue is important to showcase the actions and emotions of these characters. I chose these two to intermingle, because life sometimes gives us all challenges, and no matter how much we pray or cry out, we will still be tested and tried. All we can do is overcome these challenges, with the help of our loved ones and just those who support us most. It was quite difficult to write since I am fairly new to creative writing and what this class offers as well as the limitations I have in wording, it makes for a brief story. I wanted more depth with a still meaningful plot between the two shorts, so I hope it is conveyed.
The style of writing I chose is my usual narrative and dialogue. I feel that dialogue is important to showcase the actions and emotions of these characters. I chose these two to intermingle, because life sometimes gives us all challenges, and no matter how much we pray or cry out, we will still be tested and tried. All we can do is overcome these challenges, with the help of our loved ones and just those who support us most. It was quite difficult to write since I am fairly new to creative writing and what this class offers as well as the limitations I have in wording, it makes for a brief story. I wanted more depth with a still meaningful plot between the two shorts, so I hope it is conveyed.
Bibliography: Apuleius's Cupid & Psyche translated by Tony Kline, link to reading.
I love the story of Psyche and Cupid, and I liked the way you updated the story into a more modern setting. I think the beginning could have been changed a little though because of the awkward sentence about how she was only speaking old-fashioned because she wanted to and not because she was actually from an older time period. That confused me a little. I also feel like the middle where you combined the two stories about the dream and her later prayer was a little disjointed. The ending about Leo was too abrupt it seemed to me! But, I really liked how you did the dialogue between Leo and Psyche! Good story overall!
ReplyDeleteI love what you tried to do with the story, but most of it felt flat and muddled. I was not quite certain what was going on at any moment except at the very beginning. The transitions from scene to scene were abrupt, most notably the one directly after talking to the grandmother, and there were transitions that seemed irrelevant, like going to the church. The further along in the plot the more senseless the story seemed, one action invalidating previous ones, like her affair invalidating her marriage, and make it seem superficial.. It is a wonderful story, I love the idea of the modern retailing. However, it almost seems like you were trying to put to much of the original story in, when you could have just focused on one part, like psyches dream, and if you had focused on that one part it would have make your story pop. Don't give up, you have wonderful writing style and I can't wait to see what else you do this semester!
ReplyDeleteI like how you chose to meld the two stories into one. That was a very creative decision. My favorite part was the beginning actually where Leo and Psyche and laying in bed together and talking. It seemed like a typical love story, which I loved, and you also characterized Psyche very well. I was a little confused in the middle, mainly because I was sad that she had decided not to marry Leo, and I wanted to know more about why.
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm using Cupid and Psyche for my storybook project and I love reading all the different versions of it that people have come up with. I was slightly confused by the story at first because I wasn't really sure where you were going with it but I think that's because I have preconceived ideas and knowledge about one small part of the couple's story and I didn’t know where exactly along the timeline your story was placed.
ReplyDeleteI do really like how your story brought forth a more humanistic love than the original does. By that I mean that I like how you talked about Psyche and Leo's courtship and how they fell in love. I really love the story of Cupid and Psyche but the original left a sour taste in my mouth, because I felt that Cupid forced his love on Psyche and although they deeply cared for each other in the end, I wished their beginning could have been different. So, I think your story did a good job of kind of suggesting that Psyche and Cupid fell in love in a more “traditional” manner.
This was certainly an interesting read for me, even more so since this was my first introduction to the source material you chose to focus the story around. Similar to other commentators I was confused at first, but I eventually gathered what was occurring and finish the story. I enjoyed the writing and your presentation style and will certainly be returning to your page to read future offerings.
ReplyDeleteAvida. I thought your story about Psyche and Cupid was excellent. I really enjoyed the dialogue between all of the characters because it really enhanced the character development. Even though these stories are short, you did a great job building a relationships between the main characters. That is upsetting that Psyche did not end up marrying Leo because I felt that she and him had a very strong affection for each other in the beginning of the story. I had not read this story before, so I thought that you did a great job explaining why you wrote what you did in your Author’s Notes. I was a little confused because I did not know that Venus was Cupid’s mom, but I gathered that through your explanation at the end. Overall, I thought you did a great job re-telling this story. I look forward to reading more of your stories in your Portfolio!
ReplyDeleteYou said in the author’s note that you’re new to writing—I think you’re doing good so far. You have some depth and plot here, and it’s structured nicely. You almost have a three-act structure, too, which of course isn’t necessary, but it’s pleasing!
ReplyDeleteIf you’re planning to edit this piece, I think the change I’d be most interested in seeing is an explanation for the events that happened in the dream. In the original, the dream is more of a prophetic plot device, but here, it sets up a whole other plot and conflict. It’s the centerpiece of the story. That said, what does it mean? What’s the significance of Aro shooting Leo? What about the dream caused her to leave Leo—why couldn’t she get over it? Those are things you could pull into the ending of the story by including a little more detail. Other than that, you could include more information for Leo’s character, and the possible conflict between him and Aro.
I think this is one of the most unique versions of the story I’ve seen so far!
I loved your story! I enjoy reading stories about love and that is why I chose to read your story in the first place. Your story had lots of plot twists to it which kept the reader engaged and interested. I also liked that a lot of it was in first person point of view. I felt I could connect to the character more. Some feedback, If I would change anything about this story it would just be to elaborate more on the back stories. Just to give the audience a little more feel of what the story is about. Also, just maybe putting a little more detail in your author’s note. Maybe I am just saying cause I have not read these stories since I am from the other class, but more background would help me understand your story. Overall, I think you did an amazing job! I loved your writing style and definitely will be adding some of it into my own stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Avida! I think you did a really awesome job on your story. I was fully engaged the entire time and I thought it was very entertaining. My favorite part of the story was the very beginning, with the couple laying in bed. It seemed like a modern love story that you would hear about today or see in a movie. I was a little bit confused after she had the dream about her fiance getting killed and her grandma says it is a dream and not a nightmare. In my opinion, I feel like a dream of that nature would be considered a nightmare. I think it would be beneficial to readers if you went into more detail in that area because it is a major part of the story and causes Psyche to leave her fiance. Other than that, I really liked your writing style and how you made the original story your own by incorporating it's concepts.
ReplyDeleteHi Avida,
ReplyDeleteI would like to comment on how you said you have limitations on wording. I am certain you do not. I think you did a great job at creating the twist you did with your story. I also truly enjoyed how you formatted your story. I liked that you closed a portion of your writing about a topic in your story than flowed very well in the new setting. I do think you should focus on descriptions some more. The best thing you can do as a story writer is create the scene for someone. The way I like to think of it is when you speak to a blind person. They cannot see so describe something in a way as if you want them to be able to feel what youre saying. Other than that you did a great job and do not get discourage! Your writing is great!
I wrote about the same story. Well, a different part in the story I believe. I like how you started the story. It is such a cute, romantic start. I actually felt I was reading a novel. You did a nice job detailing their relationship in such a short time. I also love how you brought in a new character through the couple. I found myself really wanting to know who Aro was and why they hadn't heard from him. The transition you made after the mention of Aro is great as well. The story took a quick turn for the worst! But I love it. I got a little lost in the middle, as to how Leo died, but that might have just been me. I really liked your story, overall and think you did a great job. I was sad to see that Psyche has such a bad dream and that her husband dies, as I was hoping it would all turn around in the end.
ReplyDeleteHi Avida, to start off I really enjoyed reading your story for many reasons. The structure was good and easy for me to keep up with the readings and series of events. You had great flow to your story and I did not feel like you were limited on wording at all! I enjoyed the dialogue as it portrayed a lot of emotion and insight of how the characters were reacting. The nightmare was a plot twist in your story so maybe elaborating more on that event might add more depth to your story. Additionally, you can elaborate more on Psyche's decision on not marrying Leo. I felt like that part was a bit rushed and some details could've been added as to how she moved on or if she confronted him. Overall great story and pleasure read, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw the title Forbidden Love, I immediately thought the story would be about star crossed lovers and take a sort of Romeo and Juliet style. Sure enough, this work by Shakespeare appeared at the beginning of your work. I love how detailed you are with the placement of your characters and how they interact. The descriptions are very detail, so much that I am able to see the scene of the story play out in my head. I did have an issue figuring out who Aro. Is Aro the priest or a sibling? Furthermore, I like how you included action and an element of surprise by adding the armed, masked men. To make the story even more appalling, you had Leo shot, which I found very saddening. I didn't expect his death to happen so quickly without even getting a chance to find Psyche. All in all, I like how you made the beginning a dream. This is one element of the story that was completely unexpected. This is great work!
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw the title of this story, I assumed that there would be someone attempting to keep Psyche and Leo from being together. However, this story was not quite what I was expecting. I was a little confused about why she was kidnapped? What was their motive? Did they know her? Who sent them? Also, if she was reassured by the advice from her Grandmother, then why would she still leave Leo? How did she end up with Cupid? Were the men that kidnapped Psyche told to do so by Cupid? Sorry for all of the random question. This story left me with a lot of unanswered questions. If you are planning to edit this story, I would recommend adding more details to how she ended up with Cupid after leaving Leo. It would also be good to explain what her dream meant. Overall, great story! I can't wait to read more of your stories.
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